Fear

            When someone talks about fear, I think many things. The first thing that comes to mind are spiders. Many people make fun of me because I look like a bigger guy that wouldn’t be afraid of spiders, but in fact, im terrified. Something about spiders just freaks me out. Maybe it is the fact that there are poisonous, maybe it’s the way it feels when they walk on your skin. I have been bitten by a black widow before, so maybe the fear derives from that. Another fear is dying, I’m scared of what it will feel like, and will it hurt? Is there anything after life? Our religious leaders tell us that we will go with god, but what if that’s not how it works. So many things will be going through my mind when the time comes. Another fear is failing in life. I always want to be successful, it is my life goal to be successful and work hard, but sometimes, I feel like im not going the right way. What if I make the wrong choices, what if I miss something important that will change my life forever? I don’t want to be someone people look down on, I want to be someone people look up to and aspire to be. I’m afraid of being alone. For most of my middle school life I felt alone, I barely had any friends, and the friends I did have picked on my and took my lunch money. I was buying their friendship, and that is not true friendship. High school is when I started to get true friends that I could call my brothers and sisters. They were my family. But as time went on I thought about what life would be like if I didn’t meet them, where I would be and I am afraid of being there. That’s why I am afraid of being alone, because I’ve already felt the feeling of being alone. I am afraid of the dark sometimes. I tend to have night frights sometimes and I shake and freak out in my sleep because I am usually getting chased by something. I wake up in a cold sweat, panting and looking around to see if the thing in my nightmare is still chasing me. After each night fright, I can’t stare at the wall.

            Failing in life is my worst fear if I think about it long enough. I’ve seen so many of my friends do so well then just collapse and hit an all-time low. Ive seen them do well in school and social life and then start doing drugs and getting kicked out of their house and then they are homeless. I am scared that will happen to me, or something very similar to that. What if I am not working hard enough, what if I make the wrong choices, what if some tragic event comes and it destroys me emotionally and mentally? All of these things make me terrified of failing. I’ve seen what someone who has failed looks like, and I’ve seen how my family treats them, or looks down on them, and I do not want that to be me. Someone the rest of society looks down upon. Like I said in the paragraph before, I want history to remember me, I want to be someone people like at and aspire to be. To me, success is being happy at whatever you are doing in life. Success is having a great career that you love, a family, a nice house, the average American dream. Some people see success differently than me, but success isn’t living on welfare and doing drugs every day. People that use other people for their own personal gain aren’t successful. People the try to help others that need it are successful. Successful people help unsuccessful people get back on the right track and help them reach their goals. I have always been strong my entire life, not physically, but emotionally I have been. I’ve been pushed down so many times, and it tested my resilience. Not getting back up is failing, and I will always get back up. That shows true strength, that no matter what happens, you get back up no matter how many times you get pushed down.

            What if I am not working hard enough, what if I make the wrong choices, what if some tragic event comes and it destroys me emotionally and mentally? I’m not so sure what will happen to me or how I will take it. I don’t have any idea what would happen if I failed, sometimes I push myself even harder than I normally do since I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to become a drug addict or someone that lives off of welfare. I will never in my life take handouts from people. It is not my place. I am fully capable of working and doing what it takes to make a living. Just because I feel “tired” or “lazy” is no excuse to not work and get money for free. I’ve known to many people that cheat the system and it makes me so angry. How could they possibly be happy by taking money from other people that worked hard to get it? I could not do it. It would eat me alive and just make me depressed, yet these people are perfectly content on taking money. We use to be a great people, where everyone worked hard and took no handouts from anyone. They wanted to be great, but now, a lot of people are just lazy and don’t want to work. I wish our people would be like they used to, when working was expected and there were no such thing as government handouts. We have become weak, and it will be a very long time until we get that same mentality that we use to have, if we even get it at all. Yes, I believe there should be welfare, but I believe there should also be mandatory drug tests with welfare. I believe that welfare should only be limited to a certain amount of months, or if you have disabilities that make it so you cannot work. Why should people that work hard have to give money to people that are lazy and don’t want to work?